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Featured February 9, 2010
Texas Oil Man
By: sumyungguy Feb 3 2010 at 08:15am
Add To FavoritesA Texas oil man went to court and demanded a divorce from his adulterous wife.
"On what grounds?" the judge asked.
"Breach of contract."
"Come on, now," the judge admonished. "You don't own your wife as if she were a piece of property."
"Maybe not," the Texan said. "But I damn sure have exclusive drilling rights!"
"On what grounds?" the judge asked.
"Breach of contract."
"Come on, now," the judge admonished. "You don't own your wife as if she were a piece of property."
"Maybe not," the Texan said. "But I damn sure have exclusive drilling rights!"
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Featured February 8, 2010
Man Of The House
By: sweetcheryl Feb 3 2010 at 08:12am
The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, 'YOU CAN BE THE MAN OF YOUR HOUSE'. He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, "From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert. After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want. Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then, you will massage my feet and hands. Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"
The wife replied, "The fuckin' funeral director would be my first guess."
The wife replied, "The fuckin' funeral director would be my first guess."
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Featured February 7, 2010
What Turns You On?
By: neo9090 Feb 2 2010 at 02:26pm
The wife gets naked and asks her hubby, "What turns you on more, my pretty face or my sexy body?"
Her hubby looks her up and down, then replies, "Your sense of humor!"
Her hubby looks her up and down, then replies, "Your sense of humor!"
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Featured February 6, 2010
Heal The Sick
By: bigbase Feb 2 2010 at 02:25pm
An elderly couple was listening to a religious program when the preacher called out, "God will heal you all. Just stand up, put one hand on the radio, and place the other hand on the part of your body that's sick."
The old woman got to her feet, put one hand on the radio, and the other on her arthritic hip. The old man put one hand on the radio, and the other on his cock.
"Don't be foolish, Fred," the old woman snapped. "The preacher said God would heal the sick, not raise the dead!"
The old woman got to her feet, put one hand on the radio, and the other on her arthritic hip. The old man put one hand on the radio, and the other on his cock.
"Don't be foolish, Fred," the old woman snapped. "The preacher said God would heal the sick, not raise the dead!"
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Featured February 5, 2010
Wishful Thinking
By: brody Feb 1 2010 at 07:40am
Two gay men are beach walking, holding hands when a beautiful young blonde woman passes them. She's 5'10", 120 lbs, 38-24-36, with a string bikini on and no tan lines.
The first gay man turns to his friend, sighs audibly, and in a breathless whisper says, "It's women like her that sometimes make me wish I was a lesbian!"
The first gay man turns to his friend, sighs audibly, and in a breathless whisper says, "It's women like her that sometimes make me wish I was a lesbian!"
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Featured February 4, 2010
Best Friend
By: familyguy Jan 29 2010 at 06:58am
A Polack walked into a bar. The bartender said, "Hey, what are you doing here? Your best friend is up at your apartment right now screwing your wife."
"That bastard!" the Polack screamed, running out of the bar.
To the bartender's surprise, the Polack was back in ten minutes. He marched up to the bar, grabbed the bartender by the lapels, and said, "I ought to fuck you up. You lied to me."
The bartender said, "What do you mean?"
"You made me run up five flights of stairs for nothing. That wasn't my best friend, I don't even know the guy!"
"That bastard!" the Polack screamed, running out of the bar.
To the bartender's surprise, the Polack was back in ten minutes. He marched up to the bar, grabbed the bartender by the lapels, and said, "I ought to fuck you up. You lied to me."
The bartender said, "What do you mean?"
"You made me run up five flights of stairs for nothing. That wasn't my best friend, I don't even know the guy!"
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Featured February 3, 2010
Just Like Home
By: tittyman09 Jan 29 2010 at 06:54am
A military plane crashed into the Pacific and the only two survivors, a man and a woman, made it to an uninhabited island. They were almost instantly attracted to each other, and their love made their situation bearable as they built a large hut, cultivated food, and tamed some wild goats and pigs as livestock.
But about a year later, shortly after the birth of their child, the man began to get homesick. He went on and on about how he'd like to be back in the city, sitting at a ball game, drinking beer and eating a hot dog. Finally, his obsession got so strong that the woman couldn't stand it anymore. One day, he came back from collecting water to find that she had made a chair for him out of bamboo. "Just like a ball-park seat," she said. "Sit."
Surprised, he sat down. She disappeared for a moment, then came back in wearing a hat and shouting, "Get your beer, ice cold beer." She handed him a cup. He took a sip and said, "This tastes great. What is it?"
She said, "I've been experimenting for months until I got the perfect recipe using wild rice and fruit. I cooled it in the lagoon."
"That's great," he said. "But..."
"I know," she said. She left the hut, then returned, shouting, "Hot dogs, get your hot dogs!" She handed him a bun.
He took a bite, then said, "How did you get this?"
She hesitated for a second, then answered, "Well, I hope you're not turned off, but that hot dog is really a pig's penis."
To her delight, he said, "So, who cares what part of a pig I eat? It tastes like the real thing. And how did you get this yellow mustard?"
"Oh, that," she said. "Well, that's baby shit."
But about a year later, shortly after the birth of their child, the man began to get homesick. He went on and on about how he'd like to be back in the city, sitting at a ball game, drinking beer and eating a hot dog. Finally, his obsession got so strong that the woman couldn't stand it anymore. One day, he came back from collecting water to find that she had made a chair for him out of bamboo. "Just like a ball-park seat," she said. "Sit."
Surprised, he sat down. She disappeared for a moment, then came back in wearing a hat and shouting, "Get your beer, ice cold beer." She handed him a cup. He took a sip and said, "This tastes great. What is it?"
She said, "I've been experimenting for months until I got the perfect recipe using wild rice and fruit. I cooled it in the lagoon."
"That's great," he said. "But..."
"I know," she said. She left the hut, then returned, shouting, "Hot dogs, get your hot dogs!" She handed him a bun.
He took a bite, then said, "How did you get this?"
She hesitated for a second, then answered, "Well, I hope you're not turned off, but that hot dog is really a pig's penis."
To her delight, he said, "So, who cares what part of a pig I eat? It tastes like the real thing. And how did you get this yellow mustard?"
"Oh, that," she said. "Well, that's baby shit."
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